"The TOLL"

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What You’ve ‘Got’


When you became a firefighter
No one gave you a magic pill
They trained you on what to do
Put you through drill after drill
But when the time comes to act
You turn within to find the will

Actions are what will show
What it is you’re made of
When you’re put to the test
And push comes to shove
All questions will be answered
With some help from above

Sometimes it’s rewarding
And sometimes it’s not
Sometimes it’s depressing
And that happens a lot
But it’s always a challenge
To see what you’ve ‘got’

Have you ‘got’ the strength
To drag a man out
Of an apartment that’s ablaze
And no one else about
Do you have what it takes
With no room for doubt

Have you ‘got’ the courage
To crawl into a room
Heat and smoke charge the air
Like a hot, musty tomb
Do you have the balls
To face your own doom

Have you ‘got’ the heart
To face all your fears
And move forward still
No time for your tears
And can you do it again
Year after year

Have you ‘got’ the compassion
To hold someone’s hand
As their life slips away
You still issue commands
In a battle with destiny
You seem under manned

Have you ‘got’ the stamina
To raise up a ladder
Then climb the three flights
To where they last saw her
Squeeze through the window
‘cause she’s all that matters

Oblivious to the inferno
That rages around you
You search room by room
It’s all you can do
As the heat and exertion
Run you right through

You press ever onward
For she is your mission
You refuse to consider
A negative disposition
You need to reach her
No matter her condition

While your air supply dwindles
You feel her little shoe
Grab her and drag her back
You’re now born anew
Finding the strength once again
To do what you need to do

If you’ve ‘got’ all these qualities
And maybe a few more
You ‘might’ have what it takes
To walk through the door
Of a firehouse in America
To help wage our war



Copyright 2007 - Tom Kenney









Brotherhood


Firemen are men who care
About their fellow man
Whenever they are called to help
They do the best they can


They offer aid to those in need
No matter who they are
It makes no difference – rich or poor
Homeless man or star


It matters only, that you called
For assistance with your plight
For they are here to protect and serve
Every single day and night


They call themselves a ‘Brotherhood’
They’re united in their cause
To stand together, shoulder to shoulder
To battle these urban wars


But make no mistake, despite their duty
To the citizens they serve
It’s for the ‘brother’ who stands beside them
Their loyalties are reserved


Tom Kenney - 2006









NIGHTMARES


I can’t forget the time I spent
Putting out the fires
Though I try my best, I never do
No matter my desires

I go to sleep and try to think
Of nothing but my wife
But I lie in bed, and live again
The chaos of my life

My shoulder aches, and I return
To the night upon the ladder
Suddenly it slips, and I grab ahold
Of a lightpost I had straddled

From on the roof, four hands appear
Grab me by the arm
They pull me up, and though I feel the pain
They keep me safe from harm

So I roll over and change positions
To try to continue sleeping
But now my knee begins to ache
And I picture myself creeping

As I crawl along a smoky floor
I fall headfirst in a hole
Hurtling downward toward the dark
I fear for my very soul

But just in time, a brother saves me
By lunging on my knee
He keeps me from falling into the pit
And drags me up, I’m free

Once again I moan, and try to find
A comfortable spot on the bed
As I finally begin to drift asleep
I see visions in my head

I see a baby with her face chewed off
Another under a truck
A young man crushed in an elevator
Where he had gotten stuck

I picture a family dead on the stairs
Who had tried to get out
A baby pulled lifeless from his room
And I hear his mother shout

I wake up sweating, get out of bed
And get myself a drink
Take some pills and wash them down
While standing by the sink

After a moment, the shaking subsides
And I’m ready to try again
As I pull the covers over my head
I try to shut down my brain

It works for awhile, but then I feel
A throbbing in my neck
And once again I’m back in time
To a night I’d rather forget

Every night, it’s always the same
As soon as I go to bed
It seems the pain I feel in my body
Triggers the pain in my head



Copyright 2005 - Tom Kenney









GHOSTS


I see ghosts around every corner
Every time we go for a ride
No matter how I try to keep them away
I can never seem to hide

Hide myself from their ghastly grip
In attempts to keep myself sane
For reliving each terrible memory
Will only cause more pain

It’s always the images of the dead I see
And never of those we’ve saved
It seems they’re bored and restless
Just lying in their graves

They come out all together sometimes
When I’m feeling most depressed
And haunt my visions and my dreams
Thus preventing much-needed rest

That vacant lot used to house
A mother and her five babes
One fiery night not long ago
We were unable to come to their aid

Another turn, and down the street
Stands a tree with a mark on its side
One helpless night a few years back
I watched as a young girl died

Driving further from my station, away from here
Doesn’t keep the ghosts away
It only reminds me of other horrors
Of a slightly more distant day

I’ve served in this city for twenty-five years
So there are ghosts all over town
I can never predict when they’ll rear their heads
And begin to drag me down

I know in my heart I did all I could
To save them from their fates
But I can’t seem to shake their eternal screams
And wonder what next awaits


Tom Kenney - 2006









My Cry For Help


I spend my time writing
‘cause it soothes my soul
whether an article or poem
salvation is my goal
for by writing things down
I can lessen their toll

Words seem to flow
with the greatest of ease
when I open up my heart
and allow the release
of these pent up emotions
and it brings me some peace

My deliverance from pain
may be only short term
I simply begin another
as I attempt to learn
how to hold me together
‘til my salvation I earn

I’ve spent most of my life
failing at some role
whether as son or as husband
I could not seem to control
how my action toward others
might takes its toll

As a father I hoped that
I’d finally succeed
at giving my children
everything they’d need
but alas, even in this role
I failed in my deeds

Now my father lay dying
and we don’t even speak
my brothers and my sister
pretend not to be piqued
I feel I’ve been wronged
And can’t turn the other cheek

I pretend it doesn’t hurt me
but it cuts like a knife
when the people I loved most
cut me out of their life
treat me like a stranger
and turn their back on my wife

My wife has been my shelter
from the storm of my world
while my job and my family
have thrown my head in a whirl
so when she doesn’t get me
To emotional chaos I’m hurled

My strength just deserts me
my confidence is shattered
I feel like I’ve lost touch with
everything that once mattered
my life’s like an empty vessel
that’s been tossed, torn and tattered

It seems no one hear the meanings
of the writings on the page
misunderstanding my intentions
as I rant and I rage
can’t they recognize the anger as
my plea from this cage…
…my cry for help



Tom Kenney - 2006










Harken My Angel


Harken my angel, pray for me
Your love will pull me through
As I lay here under burning debris
After being torn from my crew

I know that when I left this morn’
You were still snug in our bed
But I softly whispered “I love you”
As I kissed you on your head

We both knew it could come to this
Though we never thought it would
I’d take back all the wasted days
If only there were a way I could

I only wandered a few feet away
From my guys and our hose
I went to check for any more fire
To find it before it grows

Crawling down the hallway
And through a door on the right
I never thought I’d lose my way
I tried to keep them in sight

All of a sudden the smoke grew thick
Blinding me on the spot
A corner of the floor collapsed
And the room was instantly hot

I turned around to make my way out
But I couldn’t locate the door
Something had fallen, blocking my way
Something not there before

As I tried to make it to the hall
I began to feel I was lost
I knew instantly the only way out
Was over the threshold I had crossed

Suddenly I was floating downward
Surprisingly peacefully
An abrupt jolt stopped my fall
Eyes open but unable to see

Total darkness and quiet at first
I’ve experienced this before
But when I realized I couldn’t move
It chilled me to the core

For I was trapped, no way to escape
Unless the others found me
My faith in my brothers, however, ran deep
They would rally around me

As my air ran low and pain set in
I could hear the crackle of the fire
Another sound was filtering through
Fueling my hopes ever higher

I could hear my brothers shouting my name
And though I couldn’t yell back
I knew they were on their way
Refocusing their attack

It was then that I began to drift
From reality to my dreams
That’s when I thought of you, my love
How distant this morn’ seems

Was that the last time I’d kiss your face
Or would there be many more
Lost in this dream my spirit takes flight
And my soul begins to soar

Their shouts are now closer and louder
But I cannot hear
Ever closer they get, a race against time
I no longer feel any fear

Harken my angel, pray for me…




Tom Kenney - 11/9/07










Last Day


I got up this morning, slipped out of the house
Not wanting to wake her
Went to work and had coffee with the boys
Waiting for something to occur

If only I’d known…



Talking to the kids last night, just touching base
Leaving so much unsaid
“See you tomorrow, and we’ll catch up”
I wish we had talked, instead

If only I’d known…


Working on an Engine Company in the big city
And my crew is the best
But not enough “attaboy’s” for the job they do
One day I’ll say “I’m impressed”

If only I’d known…



Fighting last night over a silly TV show
Not wanting to miss it
Not telling her later that the time we shared
Was just what we needed to revisit

If only I had known…



You never know, especially in this business
What may be in store
You take for granted that you’ll return home
And just pick up from before

If I’d only known…



Even the dispatch was nothing unusual
A fire in a basement
We raced to the scene, one thought in my mind
That of extinguishment

If only I’d known…



Descending the stairs, through all the smoke
To see what we’ve got
A glow in the corner, beckoned to me
It didn’t seem like a lot

If only I’d known…



“Go get the line and I’ll wait right here”
I barked to my guys
When they returned, it had gotten much worse
The fire had tripled in size

If only I had known…



Cut off from the stairway, I couldn’t get out
I was lost in the smoke
I ran out of air before they could find me
And I began to choke

If I had only known…



Of all the regrets dancing in my head
Before I lost my life
My biggest regret was from that morning
I hadn’t kissed my wife

If I had only known…that this was my last day!




Tom Kenney -- 2007

COST OF LIVING & TAXES

I usually write to the Providence Journal in defense of the Providence Firefighters and our union when some politician or taxpayer writes and complains that we are too greedy or privileged. I defend the job we do as Providence Firefighters and point out the hazards we face on a daily basis. I point out the fact that we are understaffed and under paid for the type of work we do. I show that many of the popular beliefs regarding firefighters in general, and Providence Firefighters in particular, are simply negative stereotypes placed on us by these same politicians and disgruntled taxpayers.

I need to state that I am tired of the abuse put upon us by these vocal opponents. As for their taxes going up as a result of our pay raises and benefits – so what? I don’t mean that in an uncaring or “in your face” type of way, but rather in a true question of why that makes us any different than the rest of the working population. The same taxpayer who complains about public unions causing a rise in his taxes may very well work for Coca-Cola or some other soft drink manufacturer for example. He/she may have just received a 5% raise and an increase in company benefits that cause the company to raise their prices to distributors. He/she may work for Wal-Mart and may have just received a raise due to the raising of minimum wage or have just qualified for company benefits because they’ve begun to work over 20 hours per week. Either way, when enough of these workers have their compensation elevated it begins to cut into corporate profits, causing the company to raise prices for the products the rest of us have to purchase. This is the way our economy works.

He/she may be a retired person who supplements his/her retirement income with money earned from dividends and investments. This person follows his investments very carefully and dumps any assets that are not earning him the maximum profit. These are the shareholders that corporate executives claim are the reason that justifies corporate greed. He/she may very well be an over-paid and incredibly over-compensated Editor for the Providence Journal writing about the Providence Firefighters’ burden on the City’s taxpayers while sailing on his private yacht to Long Island or the Caribbean. Then, after putting us in our place, he dictates a memo to the appropriate department at ProJo stating that the newspaper is going to discontinue printing obituaries for free – corporate profits have been under performing.

Why is it that the only people who get blamed for the rising cost of living are government employees? People seem to notice that when a firefighter or policeman or teacher get a raise because the politicians talk about raising taxes. They fail to tell the taxpayers that all the other costs of providing those services have also risen and that is a major reason that the costs are up – heating fuel, gasoline, electricity, vehicles, equipment, etc. Why isn’t the public up in arms when their oil company driver gets a dollar-an-hour raise and their oil company raises their price a penny a gallon? Utility prices rise because of many different factors – employee raises and corporate greed among them. These increased prices force a landlord of a strip mall to raise his rent to the four or five small businesses eeking out a living there. These businesses are forced to raise their prices to keep up with their increased fees. The consumers ultimately pick up the tab for all increases. Every increase of business expense has a reciprocal effect – such is the case with government expenses also.

It’s time for politicians and taxpayers and editors to stop accusing government employees of being the cause of all our financial problems. Governmental wasteful spending should be sought out and eliminated. No one wants to have to pay for patronage jobs or unnecessary positions, but it is not good policy to cut spending at the expense of hard-working, dedicated employees. Especially when these people are the ones that are shouldering the daily duties that are necessary to keep the rest of us safe from harm.


Lt. Tom Kenney
Providence Fire Department

COPY OF CICILLINE'S E-MAIL TO PROVIDENCE FIREFIGHTERS

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30-JULY-2007

I’ve tried many times in the past to send examples of Mayor Cicilline’s outright lies to the Letter-to-the-Editor of the Providence Journal with predominantly negative results. I’ve recently come across the copy of this e-mail from “candidate” Cicilline. Maybe I’ll have better results in proving my point using his own words.




E-mail sent to Providence firefighters by David Cicilline (candidate for Mayor of Providence) on July 25, 2002 at 10:14:49 PM
Subject: Request for Endorsement


Dear Providence Firefighter:

I am David Cicilline, Democratic candidate for mayor of the city of Providence. I am writing to invite your interest and support in my campaign, and to respectfully ask for your endorsement.

I was born here and spent the better part of my life in Providence. In February, I announced my decision to run for mayor because I care about this city, and believe I have the experience, integrity, ideas and ability to help it achieve its great destiny.

Earlier today, I met with the executive committee of the International Association of Firefighters Local 799, to tell them about myself and my detailed plans for Providence. Those plans will create excellent schools, safe neighborhoods, better public services, and honest and stable government.

One of the most important responsibilities I would bear as mayor is to resolve the current contract dispute. I pledge to do that within 30 days of taking office, affording you fair compensation and pension benefits commensurate to the value of your services.

I will also provide this department with critically needed and long-overdue rescue vehicles. That our neighboring communities of Warwick, with half the population, and Cranston with fewer still, each have four rescue vehicles while the capital city – with a population of 173,000 has only five, simply makes no sense. For the welfare of our people and of the personnel responsible for rescue runs, it is essential that we have additional rescue vehicles.

I do not support the present residency requirement – it is unfair and ineffective. With solid, ethical leadership will come public confidence in government and business growth that will create good jobs with decent wages, and a stronger, broader tax base.

Finally, please know that the door is always open to you. I promise you that I will always be available to talk about the issues affecting firefighters and our public safety officers. Since September 11, we have all become painfully aware of what extraordinary and courageous work you do on behalf of every citizen. We owe it, as a city and as a nation, to listen when you speak.

I thank you for your time and welcome your support. If you have questions or would like to talk to me further, please do not hesitate to call me at 272-3332. And of course, for more information about my plans for Providence, please visit http://www.cicilline.com/.

David Cicilline



Thomas Kenney

PROVIDENCE DEPARTMENT HEADS' SALARIES

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Providence Department Heads’ Salaries



While it appears on the surface that a suggestion by the Editorial writers of ProJo for their readership to read and familiarize themselves with the individual union labor contracts that affect their cities and towns (Say No To No-Shows) is a good idea, I believe this is actually another ploy to deflect attention from what is a much larger financial problem for these cities and towns – particularly Providence. Exorbitant salaries (and hidden bonuses) paid to political cronies who have been awarded positions as department heads within the administrations of mayors and town managers. Expensive political payoffs.

In Providence, for instance, I would like to see an article in the Providence Journal which “correctly” reports the salaries, benefits, perks and bonuses of the mayor’s Chief of Administration (recently resigned), Chief of Police and Chief of Department of the Fire Department. I would also like to see a comparison to the salaries of the former holders of those positions, as well as the salaries of similar positions in other cities of comparable size. I believe that the contracts of Providence’s police, firefighters, teachers and laborers are matters of public record. Anyone with the desire to learn ‘all’ the details of these contracts can locate copies of these documents with minimal effort. Not so with the secret details of compensation for John Simmons, Dean Esserman or George Farrell – not to mention other key players and department heads in Mayor Cicilline’s Administration.

These individuals have been over-generously (in my opinion) rewarded for their efforts on behalf of the citizens of Providence. By nature of these exorbitant salaries given them by Cicilline, it logically follows that their loyalties will be to the mayor – even at the expense of the taxpayers. The contracts of those other key players in his administration should also be brought to light, in the name of full disclosure. The fact that many of these players are allowed to ‘buy into’ pension plans which are meant for life-long city employees should be calculated into their compensation also – it’s one thing for a 25 or 30-year employee to collect a pension from the city, but quite another when someone who works for 5 or 10 years is allowed to collect an even larger pension (due to higher salary levels) from the same pension system.



Tom Kenney

SAME OLD SONG & DANCE

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Same Old Song and Dance


When did cronyism and political wheeling and dealing become so up-front and in-your-face in the Providence political scene? If this is the way of the future, many people will be longing for the time when Cianci was in office. At least back then a person wishing to manipulate the system had to do so behind the scenes. A bribe paid to a third party or the sudden support of a labor member would be required to be delivered prior to any payoff or political favors. Ahhhh…the good old days!!

All those deals seem to be a thing of the past in Providence…or are they?

I realize that Mayor Cicilline ran for his first term under the platform of “fair and honest government”. It seems to me that he forgot this plank of his platform as soon as he was sworn in as mayor. He broke just about every promise he made on the campaign trail within his first year in office. I can’t even begin to list them all, so let me concentrate on those broken promises and outright lies that I’ve lived with over the last 5 years as a firefighter in the City of Providence.

First of all he promised to sit down and talk to the firefighters as soon as he was in office - and promised that our contract issue would be resolved within the first months of his administration. Instead, he immediately hired John Simmons as his right hand man (at an outrageous and ever-growing sum of money). The mayor then put Mr. Simmons (who had a previous and unproductive relationship with the firefighter’s union) in charge of negotiating with Local799. The mayor refused to talk with us directly!

During the campaign, then candidate Cicilline signed a petition at our union hall demanding the abolishment of the residency bill – of course it should be stated that he was looking for our support at that time. One of the first things Mayor Cicilline did was push for the enforcement of the residency requirements, touting them as essential for the welfare of our city. When he was asked to explain his apparent about-face on the issue he stated that he was always a supporter of residency. When asked why he signed the petition demanding its abolishment he merely stated that he didn’t realize what he was signing!!!! Either he’s lying – or he’s not bright enough to run our capitol city.

The mayor states the welfare of the Providence citizen and taxpayer as his motivation for holding down the costs of running the fire department by not giving in to the firefighter’s demands. He can never address just what unreasonable demands the firefighters have put on the city. He can only speak in vague terms regarding expected higher costs for healthcare and pensions – these are facts of life for everyone, not just the City of Providence. Yet, for all his concern over the difference of a couple of percentage points in co-shares or in the salaries of the city ‘workers’, he’s begun a bidding war among the department heads and his administrative staff. As stated previously, Mr. Simmons is being paid an exorbitant salary! The present Chief of Police in Providence is being paid more than double the salary and perks as his predecessor. Now we hear that the ‘new’ Chief of the Providence Fire Department is being offered a contract that will guarantee that he will eventually make more than Esserman. I guess it’s good to be the chief!!

This type of behavior is typical for someone who delegates his responsibilities and has no idea of what it’s like to be one of the ‘workers’. I just can’t understand why this person would choose to run as a Democrat. Never mind, I have to take that back. He realizes that a Republican candidate would probably never be elected in the City of Providence. Seeing that he’s already demonstrated that principles are not part of his makeup, he may as well just call himself a Democrat - and then act any way he pleases.

I am surprised, however, that the members of Providence’s City Council seem to be falling right into place for the young mayor. Aren’t they all Democrats??!!?? I’m not talking about giving away the candy store to unreasonable demands of unions or labor, I’m just speaking of fair and equitable treatment of all city workers – not just the one’s who wear suits to work.

For instance, many people believed that the Class B retirement system was saturated with exaggerated disability pensions. Fact or myth, this was the perception. The proposed solution was to make the pension board operate under more stringent guidelines and guarantee fair and impartial treatment of each prospective retiree based solely on the merits of his/her individual case. Fair enough!

The results were reminiscent of the work of a union-buster from back in the thirties! A firefighter must first prove that his injury is 100% disabling him from performing his duties. That’s OK, but he must then show the exact incident at which it happened. That may sound easy, but it can be tricky. Take, for instance, the case of a firefighter with 7 years on the job who ripped up his knee at a fire (100% documented) and had surgery to enable him to return to work. The department carried him as IOD (injured on duty) until he was cleared by his doctor to return to work.

This firefighter returned to a fire company and did his job for an additional 10 years before he ripped up the same knee once again at a different fire scene. When his doctor told him that he couldn’t repair the knee well enough to allow him to return to work the firefighter filed for an Accidental Disability pension. He did this within a few months of the injury. An Accidental Disability pension is the type of pension that a firefighter receives if he is disabled ‘on-the-job’ and is forced to retire.

The pension board’s decision? The firefighter was not entitled to an Accidental Disability pension. He was only qualified, they said, for a Regular Disability pension. This meant that the firefighter and his doctors had proven to the board that he was, indeed, disabled. The firefighter and his doctors were unable, however, to prove that the firefighter’s injury was an ‘on-the-job’ injury.

The reason for this, though tragic for the firefighter, is really quite amusing. The City of Providence, during the hey days of suspected disability pension fraud, passed an ordinance that stated that a member of the Class B pension system (Providence Police and Fire) could not claim an injury which happened more than 18-months prior to his filing for the pension as a reason for his disability. Furthermore, this injury could not be brought up in any way on the member’s behalf during pension board meetings. In essence, it never happened.

How does this effect our firefighter you ask? Well, the pension board decided that it couldn’t award an Accidental Disability pension to a member for an on-the-job knee injury if the member had a prior history of knee problems. This wouldn’t be fair to the taxpayers, after all, as he already had a pre-existing medical condition prior to the fire which ultimately caused his disability!

It didn’t matter that his prior history was an older on-the-job injury. That injury never happened…as far as the pension board was concerned.

If this ordinance didn’t stack the deck against legitimate claims for disability pensions enough, the mayor had a referendum placed on last years city ballot giving him the authority to appoint two additional members to the pension board. This would assure that the majority of the board were city appointed designees who would vote as they were instructed.

The mayor has been in office for 5 years now and he has yet to negotiate a single contract with the city’s firefighters. After much stalling by the city, and much picketing by the firefighters, a neutral arbitrator finally settled three single year contracts between the two parties last year. What most citizens don’t realize is that as of this writing (March 27, 2007) Providence firefighters have been working with no contract, once again, for 1,000 days! The two parties are, once again, forced to have a neutral arbitrator decide our contract.

This mayor says all the right things to the media and the citizens of Providence. Unfortunately for the citizens (and the workers) of Providence, it is actions and deeds which ultimately measure one’s worth. I’m afraid our mayor just doesn’t measure up in that column.

Tom Kenney

"MOODS"

Perspective


Firetrucks go racing past
At what seems the speed of light
If these vehicles had wings attached
You’d swear that they’d take flight

Where they’re headed you don’t know
But they’re sure in a hurry
You see they’re headed toward your house
And you begin to worry

Could it be you left the iron on
Or left dinner in the oven
You’ve done that once or twice before
But it doesn’t happen often

You follow the trucks, as your fears grow
You wish that they’d go faster
Don’t they know that if they delay
Your home could be a disaster

Finally they reach your house
You sigh as they go past
You can now let go of all your fears
Boy, they’re going fast!


Tom Kenney - 2005









Sounds


Sounds...
Sounds are all around us
Every day and everywhere
But there are some I’ve heard
I hope never again to hear

Sounds...
The alarm bell sounding
And axes pounding
They echo with each chop
People crying
As a loved one’s dying
It seems to never stop

Sounds...
To never hear again, I pray
The call of a “MayDay”
From a brother who is lost
I fear this most
Like a lingering ghost
We all know this could be the cost

The cost of pushing
The cost of tempting
The limits of our fate
But when we’re working
Though danger’s lurking
Time won’t allow us to wait

Sounds...

Firemen lose their hearing
From the harshness of the noise
But do we really lose it
Or do we make a conscious choice

To shut out all the memories
To shut out all the pain
To shut down all our emotions
And live a peaceful life again

Sounds...


Tom Kenney - 2005









Sick & Tired

I’m sick and tired of people giving us shit
Because they think that we don’t care
They think that because we walk up to their door
That we are unaware

But really now, what would you have us do
Sit down and cry with you
Or would you rather have us remain unattached
Doing everything we can do

Although keeping emotional walls intact
Serves us well in our tasks
None of us have a perfect record with this
Our indifference merely our masks

My nerves and patience are frayed to the limit
By putting up with this day after day
If you don’t know what you’re doing – or we’re doing
Shut up and stay out of our way

The general public can never understand
How each call takes its toll
Not many of us escape unscathed
Survival a more attainable goal

So when some junkie decides to do too much smack
Needle still in his vein
His loved ones expect us to feel compassion
To understand his pain

The truth is, sadly, I couldn’t care less
If he lives or if he dies
If we stop him tonight from killing himself
Tomorrow this scene, he’ll reprise

So when people call us uncaring and cold
Because we don’t bleed in the open
We sometimes lose our cool and attack them
This can be our way of coping

We carry enough negative emotional baggage
And we don’t need any more
So we may tell them just where they can go
Before we walk out their door


Tom Kenney - 2007









WAITING


Two-thirds of my time is spent waiting
Waiting for the bell
Because exactly when we’ll be called upon
Not one of us can tell
Yes, two-thirds of my time is spent waiting
And waiting can be hell


We train with all of our equipment
So that we’ll be ready
And no matter what we’ll have to do
We will hold steady

We continually inspect our district
So we’ll be familiar
With any new dangers or hazards
That may have moved here

We’re always studying the streets
So that we’ll know
The quickest route to any destination
Just get in and go

We check and clean the apparatus
So that we can rely
On everything working properly
On the very first try

When called upon to answer the call
We know what to do
No matter what the emergency may be
We’ll see it through

We check out all the buildings in our area
And what they contain
Where hazardous materials may be stored
Then we check them out again

We drill with other fire companies
And with just our truck
We try to be completely prepared
We never count on luck

We’re called for every type of emergency
Whether day or night
We’re always ready to lend assistance
No matter what their plight


Though the two-thirds of my time spent waiting
Is spent in preparation…
While drilling and training are not the most exciting part
Of working in the station…
It all pays off ‘cause when responding to an alarm
There’s no time for trepidation…

But still…
…waiting is the hardest part



Tom Kenney - 2006









Two Minutes


The toughest two minutes
Of any run
Are the ones spent responding,
Under the gun

When the dispatcher tells you,
“A child is hurt”
You can’t keep yourself from
Picturing the worst

You try to imagine and
Run through your mind,
Upon your arrival, the scene
You might find

You can’t get there fast enough
Your heart starts to race
You block out terrible visions
Of that child’s face

Not doing anything is
The toughest task
That of any firefighter
You could ask

Your mission is assisting
Those who need aid
You’re bent on performing the
Tasks of your trade

You’re trained to be ready for
Any situation
Your training takes flight once you
Leave the station

You’re anxious and you’re worried
While on the way
You never know what you’ll find
So you don’t delay

Your adrenaline’s pumping
Stomach in knots
Try to stay focused ‘til you
See what you’ve got

You realize the victims
Depend on you
To keep them from harm
And see them through

Through this tragic circumstance
However dire
Whether a medical emergency
Or for a fire

You know that when you get there
You’ll be okay
‘Cause then you’ll be working, holding
Tragedy at bay

You count on your experience
And your training
To do the task at hand
And begin saving

You can handle any situation
Once you’re in it
But getting there can be
The toughest two minutes




Copyright 2005 - Tom Kenney









RANDOM

My skin is stretching and ready to burst
It’s so sensitive to the touch
Your touch…or anyone’s touch
My head is ready to explode
All my thoughts…my dreams…my nightmares
Everything builds up like an over-filled balloon
I need…
I need…
I need…
Everything I feel, I say, I write
All seems to scream…help
I think what I think are big thoughts
Larger questions than those in individual lives
Mankind and womankind type of ideals and thoughts
I think it’s easier to think in those terms
Thinking in individual, personal type thoughts are too…
SCARY
I push the people that I love away
It’s always been that way I guess
BUT…
I think it’s much more prevalent now
Wrong, wrong, wrong
Fail, fail, fail
Love……………………
What’s wrong with my mind?
Why can’t I take things unseriously?
Why must everything be a lecture or a tirade?
Mine is not the only opinion
Mine is not the only pain
AND…
If it hurts so much, why not walk away and retire?
Why am I so devoted to the FD?
Which is worse pain…the physical or the emotional??
I don’t know…
343
FDNY
9/11
Nancy…1-4-3
Book, poetry, articles…
Are they the real me?
Are they a false front?
Are they good?...or bad?
Questions … nothing but questions
No answers……………..


2007 – Tom Kenney

"FIREHOUSE LIFE"

Asleep in the Firehouse


As you peer through the windows
To the apparatus floor
The Engine and Ladder lay dormant
Coats hanging on their doors

A solitary light casts a glow
Over the sleeping trucks
As we firefighters are upstairs -
In our beds, safely tucked

Not a sound can be heard
Inside the station
Not a creature is stirring
Not even the Dalmatian

But all this changes
In the blink of an eye
With the clanging of the bell
And a voice from the ‘sky’

The bell and the loudspeaker
Echo off the walls
As the dispatcher sends us
To another call

Every bulb in the building
Awakens in light
Suddenly, without warning
Everything is bright

The sound of the exhaust fan
Whirs in the background
As the creaking door motor
Makes a hideous sound

Meanwhile, upstairs, in our beds
We are awakened
By the light and the noise
As if we were shaken

We jump out of our bunks
And into our clothes
And head toward the poles
Snapped from our repose

We don’t know what type of call it is
Or where we are going
We only know it’s an emergency
Our anticipation growing

We hit the poles and they slam
Like a loud clap of thunder
We head toward our trucks
Even as we wonder

What’s lying before us
When we roll out the door
The diesel motor comes to life
With a mighty roar

The shrill of the siren wails,
The air horn blasts
The sound must seem deafening
As we roll on past

Then everything goes quiet
As we pull out of sight
And the lights go dark again -
As the door closes tight



Tom Kenney - 2006









One Quiet Night


One quiet night
Everything was calm
No interruptions
By the sound of the alarm

We went into the station
And didn’t turn a wheel
Not a single run
It seemed unreal

It was the first ‘shutout’
We could remember
On a cold winter’s night
In early December

We stayed in the warmth
Of the firehouse that night
And when we emerged
The sun shone bright

We were paid just the same
Though we didn’t do a thing
I really felt guilty –
We were supposed to be working

We came back in that night
And marveled at our luck
But before we knew it
We were running for the truck

The alarm had sounded
Reporting a fire
As we rushed to the scene
The situation seemed dire

A family was trapped
And couldn’t get out
When we pulled up
We were met with shouts

“People are in there,
A family of five”
We knew no one in there
Could still be alive

But we didn’t let that stop us
As we stretched out our hose
To fight back the flames
Wishful thinking, I suppose

So we pushed forward
Advancing our line
Trying to get them
Before they ran out of time

By the time we had reached them
It was much too late
The fire had swallowed them -
What a horrible fate

As their lifeless bodies
Lay still on the stairs
We worked through the night
Until the dawn’s early glare

When the night finally ended
And the anguish sunk in
I swore I’d never feel guilty
About a quiet night again




Copyright 2005 - Tom Kenney









Peaceful Dawn


The stillness of a peaceful dawn
Is shattered by an angry horn
Sirens wailing
People hailing
As the night gives way to the morn

Moments before, as I lay sleeping
A shadowy figure, alone, was creeping
Bent on revenge
Here to avenge
A grudge that she’d been keeping

She didn’t care about the others
Mother, father, sister, brothers
Her only plan
To kill the man
Who had left her for another

Blinded by hate, she lit the fire
She ran away as flames grew higher
She didn’t care
Who might be there
Destruction was her only desire

We began to roll before sunrise
Shaking the sleep from our eyes
We saw the smoke
The radio spoke
“There are people trapped inside”

We begin by the day’s first light
Laying hose to begin the fight
We push forward
Moving toward
The fire that burned so bright

The family, sleeping, had no clue
Of what she was about to do
Or of the danger
From the stranger
Who was set on beginning anew

They woke to the sound of the alarm
Went to the stairs to escape from harm
Tried to evade it
But never made it
They died together, arm in arm

This morning had no happy ending
The final outcome left nothing pending
A family of five
No longer alive
And countless hearts in need of mending

As she lit the match, she felt reborn
No longer did she feel forlorn
Just walked away
A peaceful day
In the stillness of a peaceful morn



Tom Kenney - 2006









Junior Man

Every team must have a person
Who deals with all the shit
On the team of a fire crew
The junior man is it

He’s known as the fuckin’ new guy
A.K.A. - F.N.G.
And when there’s a job that’s distasteful
There’s no doubt whose it will be

We push him hard, and don’t let up
For this is how he learns
We’ve all been there, once before
We all must take our turn

It’s the responsibility of us all
To break our men in right
To teach them no task is too large or small
To end a person’s plight

To wade through sewage to find a drain
When a sewer line has burst
To crawl through windows to search for bodies
He always gets the worst

He does the jobs no one wants to do
For this is his lot
He also knows better than to complain
Whether he likes it or not

He patiently awaits for another new guy
To join our fiery clan
For then he knows the torch is passed
To another junior man


Tom Kenney - 2006









The Weight


None of us realize
The weight we all carry
On our shoulders
We just can’t see
How much shit is piled on us\
As we grow older

The truth be told
Those of us who are firefighters
Tend to take on more
We pile it on
Thinking our broad shoulders
Can handle any chore

Firefighters believe
That we can fix everything
Save everyone
The sad truth is
Sometimes, even firefighters
Can’t get it done

And when we fail
We can never let it go
Can never forget
We hold on to
All of the frustration and pain
But we bury it

‘Til after awhile
We can hide it no more
And it explodes
It’s only then
That we have to face it -
Our heavy load

Stress can pile up
To a point of destruction
Without our knowing
No recognition
Of what’s happening to us
Nothing showing

Then out of nowhere
With no hint and no warning
It knocks us cold
Like a ton of bricks
It can knock you on your ass
As it takes hold

From that point on
We must learn how to handle it
Or at least try
We don’t perceive
How these things from our past
Force us to deny

Deny our pain
Deny our failure and sorrow -
Our weakness, too
We don’t understand
That these very emotions are what
Help us get through

We must admit
That we’re only mortal men
Victims of our fate
And shed some tears
‘Cause it’s only then that we’re
Freed of the weight



Tom Kenney - 2006









You Think I’m Strong


As we go through our lives
And we’re faced with uncertainty
You count on me to be strong
For whatever the problem
Though we face it together
You think that I’m never wrong

You think I’m strong…but I’m not

As we arrive at the scene
Of yet another emergency
People count on me to be brave
They count on me to rescue them
And pull them to safety
Their loved ones to save

They think I’m brave…but I’m not

As we face down the fire
Amid the smoke and the chaos
My men look to me to be smart
They count on me
To make all the right decisions
Whether I’m capable or not

They think I’m smart…but I’m not

Sometimes it’s overwhelming
To always be the person
People look to for assistance
For to whom can I turn
And hand over my fate…
I’m just unable to take that chance

They think I’m…but I’m not



Tom Kenney - 2005









Stand Tall


It’s important to me to stand tall
Especially when my back’s to the wall
To hold my ground in those situations
Is to not shrink away from confrontation

In my job I’m often put to the test
As I try to prove that I’m the best
Standing tall against the danger is easy
But standing by my word can make me queasy

To live up to the standard to which I’ve set
Is a goal that I pray I never forget
For to not stand for something is not for me
If I’m to be all that I can be

They say a man’s word is his bond
As I gaze into tomorrow and beyond
I see that I can’t hope to change our way
Unless I live up to my word each day

To have any influence on someone else
You have to learn to be true to yourself
And that means to be steady on my course
Even if it seems I’ve backed the wrong horse

I pride myself now that I’ve grown older
That my words and my actions are now bolder
Not afraid to stand up for what I deem just
Careful to stay true and worthy of trust

Let no man question my values or motives
I’ve taught myself to become quite assertive
For the squeaky wheel gets all the grease
I’m no longer content with keeping the peace

I’ve decided I’ll keep on speaking my mind
Not allowing my words to be unjustly maligned
What’s important are results over the long haul
And that I battle on and continue to stand tall


Tom Kenney - 2005









Quiet Dignity


Some men need to swagger and boast – As they shake your hand in greeting
They need to show all the eyes around – That they’re someone who’s worth meeting
I am this…and I am that – Is all they have to say
Always talking…and never listening – For this is just their way

Men like this can charm their way – Into making you think they care
But don’t be fooled, they’re only thought – Is to making you aware
Aware that they…and they alone – Can take away your sorrows
A vote for them, they always say – Will secure us better tomorrows

These men are liars…these men are cheats – With very few exceptions
They’re not your father, watching out for you – They’re professional politicians
It’s not their fault, some people say – It’s just the way it goes
To be elected in this day and age – You need to step on toes

Whatever happened to public service – To putting others first
THAT’s the best any man can offer – These men offer the worst
They line their pockets with gold and votes – They’ll promise anything
But re-election’s the Holy Grail – In order to continue stealing

But don’t give up on all of us yet – There are still some worthy men
Men who think of others first – And sacrifice for them
These men are firemen, these men are cops - And soldiers…they are too
They’re assignment is to protect us all – And that’s exactly what they do

No matter whether they’re sick or tired – No matter what their pay
They always stand tall for you and me – Every single night and day
Not for glory…not for fame – Not for recognition
They do it for the love of others – That’s their holy mission

They risk their lives every day – And many of them die
They know the dangers going in – But never question why
They know this answer, it’s very simple – To protect and to serve
They’ve chosen this path for their life – So what do they deserve?

They deserve our thanks and our respect – They need our support, too
They deserve to know that we are grateful – Someone does what they do
But don’t expect to see them swagger – Or boast throughout the city
For these men are truly heroes - They walk with quiet dignity


Tom Kenney - 2006









Serving the People


When you serve the people
Not the City
You treat them with compassion
Not with pity

You know it’s your calling
And your duty
To be there for people
When they’re needy

When they’re in need of aid
To help them through
Their most horrible ordeal –
They look to you

For you’re their savior
And salvation
In their hour of need
And desperation

A firefighter can be proud
Of his service
When he offers it to people
Without prejudice

There’s no place for the privileged
Or for favorites
You just offer assistance to
Those who need it

There’s no greater purpose
Than helping others
Because in spite of everything
We’re all brothers

We’re all but a moment away
Of being the victim
We’re all held hostage by
Fate’s cruel whim

So treat all of the people
You encounter
With courtesy and respect
And with honor

They deserve to see the best
We have to give
It’s our mission to give our all
So others may live

So they may live in safety
And without fear
Just knowing we’ll help them
And that we’re here

So when we’re frustrated with
What’s going on
With our elected officials
...And so on

We have to remember that the
People don’t care
Which side that you’re on or
Which hat you wear

But when they need our help
And dial 911
They expect us to be there
Expect us to come

We’re all expected to follow
The Golden Rule
When dealing with others -
Wise man or fool

For guidance and patience
I pray to Thee, Lord
But serving the people -
Is it’s own reward


Copyright 2005 - Tom Kenney