"TIRED"

.


You Can’t See


You watch me get off the truck and think
He’s overweight; out of shape
And too old to do this job

For firefighting is a physical business
Requiring agility; as well as ability
To protect life and property

But you’re not able to see inside of me
Unable to chart, what’s in my heart
And that is the key

Because of physical strength and stamina
A man is strong; able to prolong
That which he endeavors

But no amount of physical qualities
Can make you do, what scares you
Like the power of a courageous heart

The strongest of men can be stopped in their tracks
As danger nears; overcome by fears
When facing their own mortality

Firefighters know their most important quality
Is strength of heart; to do their part
Despite their natural fears

When we’re called upon, we’ll risk our lives
We’ll dare to go; although we know
This time we may not return

The inner strength and the inner courage
That it requires; to fight these fires
Is something you can’t see



Tom Kenney - 2008









“Walk The Walk”


In this business
It’s very easy
To talk the talk…
But it’s not as simple
To have the courage
To walk the walk

It takes somebody
A little bit different
To do this work…
Someone with heart
Somebody with balls
And a little berserk

As people run out
We’re running in
For that’s our way…
Into the unknown
It’s difficult to do
Even if easy to say

No other profession
Is quite the same
As being a firefighter…
Risking your life
For the sake of others
No job could shine brighter

When the fire’s over
And the danger’s done
You can take pride…
In the fact that you
Have done your job and
Not tried to hide

Only other firefighters
Really know who
Walks the walk…
And which ones are
Only capable of
Talking the talk

For inside the building
Is where you prove
Of what you’re made…
Experience or brawn
We each make our own
Contribution to the fray

When I find my body’s
No longer able
To walk the walk…
I’ll have to face the fact
That it’s my time to
Walk the walk – away


Copyright 2005 - Tom Kenney









What People Think…


Some people think we don’t have fear
Crawling through a door to disappear
Into the smoke, because someone’s there
We have it, but don’t show it

Some people think we don’t feel pain
That there’s a magical power we attain
To keep us from breaking under the strain
We feel it, but control it

Some people think we don’t understand
When all the dreams they had planned
Go up in smoke by an arsonist’s hand
We understand, they just don’t know it

Some people think we don’t know how
To feel compassion, and not allow
Our hardened hearts to feel the sorrow
We know how, but won’t let it

Some people think we can’t express
Our inner feelings with tenderness
And show our frailties and our weakness
We can, but we won’t do it


What firemen think…


Firemen say that we don’t care
What people think about us
The truth be told, we’re well aware
But don’t like to make a fuss

This hero thing is overblown
And makes us ill at ease
We’d rather that we be known
As the men who heed their pleas

So we stand tall, and force ourselves
To fight another fight
Never showing that this living hell
Leaves us wondering if we’re right

For is it right to share our burdens
Transferring the sadness to others
Or should we simply hold them in
And keep them among our brothers


Tom Kenney - 2005









I Never Signed Up For This


From the day I swore to serve and protect
I knew the day might arrive
When I would be put to the ultimate test
Not sure if I’d come out alive

I accepted this fact as part of the job
The job I was born to do
I hoped against hope that I’d never be tested
But deep inside, I knew

I knew that it would only be a matter of time
Before I’d choose my path
Just as I knew that I would be honor-bound
To face the fiery wrath

Although I never wanted to have to die on this job
I was prepared to, just the same
And every time that I felt I cheated death
I was the winner of that game

How could I have imagined that one day soon
It would come to this
The man so used to helping others would be
In need of an assist

I once walked around with my head held high
So able-bodied and strong
And now I can’t even fend for myself
I need help to just get along

My wife and my family are now put to the test
Each and every day
Though they’re always willing and up to the task
I can’t bear to live life this way

I always thought I could handle whatever was dealt
But I’m lost in an endless abyss
I pray every day God will take me away
‘Cause I never signed up for this


Tom Kenney - 2007









Our Chaotic Dance


Viewed from above
A dance in motion
Graceful and peaceful
As waves on the ocean

Light from the fire
Flickers in the dark
Ebbing and flowing
Spitting out sparks

Smoke fills the air
Softening the scene
Riding the wind
Calm and serene

Too far away
To hear any sound
Just blurs of colors
Moving on the ground

The orange of the flames
And red strobes of light
Reflect off the pond
And disappear in the night

All of the dancers
Seem lost in the haze
There’s a magic in the night
That’s missing in the days

Although it looks to the eye
That chaos abounds
There’s an order to the scene
As the players dance around

Each movement has a purpose
Though it’s not clear to you
These men know one another
They know just what to do

A fireground can seem confusing
To those who watch us toil
Not seeing the order in our tasks
They get lost in all the turmoil

We’ve trained for this many hours
We leave nothing to chance
That’s how the chief orchestrates
Our chaotic dance



July 17, 2007 - Tom Kenney









This Life’s Blues


This life’s been gettin’ to me lately
I feel like it’s bringin’ me down
This life’s been gettin’ to me lately
I feel like it’s knockin’ me down
Been givin’ all I have to give
Still no one wants me around

I’m suckin’ in more shit every day
And it ain’t gettin’ any better
I’m suckin’ in more shit every day
And it ain’t gettin’ any better
‘Cause no matter what else we breathe in
There’s just no way to kill us any deader

I just wanna go home at the end of my shift
And I care ever less about the on-duty shit
I can’t keep givin’ my heart and soul
To those not worthy of it – not worthy of it

This life’s been gettin’ to me lately
I’ve taken the good as far as it’ll go
This life’s been gettin’ to me lately
I’ve taken the good as far as it’ll go
And that’s the very saddest part of all
I used to know that I knew what I know

Lately I wonder if my effort’s in vain
For the streets seem so full of hate
Lately I wonder if my effort’s in vain
For the streets seem so full of hate
I’m beginnin’ to think no matter my deed
We’re all headin’ for a horrible fate

I just wanna go home at the end of my shift
And I care ever less about the on-duty shit
I can’t keep givin’ my heart and soul
To those not worthy of it – not worthy of it

It used to be clear who were the bad guys
And who wore the white hats
It used to be clear who were the bad guys
And who wore the white hats
But these days there’s nothin’ that’s clear
Even some white hats are rats

The mean city streets are no place to be
Not even to try to lend a hand
The mean city streets are no place to be
Not even to try to lend a hand
For the city streets – take no prisoners
And they’re no place to take a stand

I just wanna go home at the end of my shift
And I care ever less about the on-duty shit
I can’t keep givin’ my heart and soul
To those not worthy of it – not worthy of it

Once upon a time my job was rewardin’
A fireman could make a difference
Yeah, once upon a time my job was rewardin’
And a fireman could make a difference
But now it seems that no one really cares
It takes more than mere perseverance

I’ve been abused by the politicians so much
My compassion’s all but gone
I’ve been worn down by the violence that I see
My compassion’s all but gone
But I still feel the urge to make things right
I guess that’s what keeps me goin’ on

I just wanna go home at the end of my shift
To my kids and to my wife
I’ll keep on givin’ my heart and soul
For this is my chosen life


Tom Kenney - 2006

"CHOICES"

.


Choose to Live


Living daily with the stresses, of life and death situations
You quickly develop a sense of strength, and inner determination
To face your fears, your inner demons, and your limitations
Otherwise you’ll end up breaking, a victim of frustration


A firefighter who lives his life, willing to take a chance
Likes to play by his own rules, not play victim to circumstance
Enter that building, crawl through that smoke, take that hose, advance
When you risk your life for a living, you’re not afraid to take a stance


When faced with the choice of pushing forward, or giving in to fear
You have to consider your decisions, that have already put you here
Being a firefighter and saving others, is a very noble idea
But sentiment alone will save no one, unless the performance is there


A fireman’s not judged by what’s in his head, but rather in his heart
Anyone can dream heroic thoughts, it takes one to take part
In actions that may cause his death, in order to save a tot
His performance never differs, whether he knows this child or not


For every man must die someday, there’s no getting around it
Accept this fact and live your life, with gusto and with spirit
You can’t choose how you will die, or do anything to avoid it
But you can choose how you will live, and not cage yourself with limits


Tom Kenney - 2005









Flicker Of A Matches’ Flame


Like a flicker of a matches’ flame
The years seem to fast-forward
Retirement, once long in the future
I’m now steadily moving toward

Eyes once wide with excitement
Now weigh heavy with the strain
Of many years of seeing too much
And enduring too much pain

The bounce and purpose in my step
Has been replaced with a nagging limp
Once strong and able-bodied
I’m now looking more like a gimp

Too many nights of interrupted sleep
Have left me haggard and tired
Sirens have stolen my ability to hear
And in this endless drone, I’m mired

This business, though rewarding as hell
Has surely beaten me down
Proclaiming “it’s the best job in the world”
While in the despair I drown

I know my actions have been sincere
Every time I’ve answered the call
But day after day, night after night
I bang my head against the wall

Nothing gets better, stays just the same
On these tough city streets
I can’t seem to remember the victories
Only the bitter defeats

The time has come to blow out the flame
And let the room go dim
And open a new chapter in my life
One that’s not as grim



Tom Kenney - 2007









Chasing After a Hero


I ’ve been chasing after a hero
For what seems my whole life
I can remember back to my childhood
When the fear cut me like a knife

I witnessed my father risk his life
By running into a fire
And through the eyes of a scared little boy
I watched as the flames grew higher

I have never been able to forget that day
And no matter what I’ve done
I felt I could never live up to that act
In fact, nor could anyone

As a firefighter, as well as a man
He left me big boots to fill
Though physically I’ve grown into the par
In some ways, I fear I never will

His steady hand has served him well
As a firefighter - and family man
His loving ways, throughout his days
Has helped him raise his clan

For no man is truly a hero
Based solely on his profession
My dad has dedicated his entire life
To his family - his obsession

Though we have our differences, him & I
I admire and love this man
For he’s the man I always wanted to be
Because of him, I’m where I am

I would like to think that I’m a good son
Despite what some might say
But I attempt to live my life in a manner
That will make him proud each day

I have stumbled and faltered along the way
As I’m certain my father has, too
I ask myself if it’s the mistakes we make
That inspire us to start anew

His bravery, integrity, and his moral fiber
Are attributes to which I aspire
His leadership, shown through his example
Continues to encourage me higher

Thank you, Dad


Tom Kenney - 2005









The Man Inside


I’m on a quest of some significance, at least it is to me
Searching for that elusive creature, the man inside of me
The hunt began, as I recall, to prove my inner worth
To recover the man I’d lost within, much like a rebirth

It dawned on me one insightful day, that men often have two sides
The outer shell which they display, but there’s also the man inside
I’m not too proud of the outer me, with all my flaws and warts
So I’m hoping the search for the inner me, is not all for naught

I’ve heard it said many times, it’s what’s inside that counts
I hope there’s truth in that old adage, no matter in what amount
Because a good man is a good man, no matter to what degree
And there are no saints among us, at least not that we can see

To recognize the difference, between what’s outside and in
Is a quality I admire in a person, not judging from his skin
Though I beat myself up for past mistakes, I hope that I can prove
That the man inside of me is one, of whom I can approve

It’s said that we all see ourselves, different than we are
But when we’re put to the test of stress, we find if we’re up to par
For it’s always the man inside of you, who’s hidden away from view
That responds during these arduous times, and he’s the real you

If this is true, then I’m okay, for this has always been my strength
My ‘inside man’ always goes the distance, no matter what the length
‘He’ has integrity, ‘he’ has courage, ‘he’ has compassion too
Whatever be the challenge, ‘he’ can see it through

So judge me not on who I am, but rather on who I can be
For though I often fall flat on my face, there’s a man inside of me
Who knows just how to face a crisis, without letting others down
‘He’, you see, is a fire-fighter, ‘his’ feet planted firmly on the ground


Tom Kenney - 2006

Attitude & Action

.

Humble



I’ve heard it said many times before
Firemen are brave, but humble men
Although I agree that this sounds great
It’s not the way it’s ever been

Firefighters are not humble men
We think we’re pretty special
We push ourselves beyond our limits
Although it’s often stressful

We make no claim of wealth or power
Or influence of any kind
But in our hearts we know damn well
Men like us are hard to find

We take a back seat only to God
And even then we challenge
The so-called “acts of God” He deals
To make sure it’s what He meant

We think our companies and departments
Are the “best of the best”
We pride ourselves in having no equal
No matter what the test

There’s no room for humble in us
We need to wield the power
Our enemies are death and destruction
And we can’t afford to cower

Your property and your very life
May someday depend on me
And you won’t look for a humble man
But one who’s all he can be


Copyright 2007 - Tom Kenney









Working Class Hero
(aka - I Ain't No Fuckin' Hero)


They call me a working class hero
But that’s not the way I feel
I ain’t no fuckin’ hero
I can’t live to that ideal

When I was a young man
I dreamed of glory and of fame
But now I’m just so tired
Of all the hurt and pain


When we arrived
There was madness in the air
Smoke and flames
Seemed to be everywhere.
The cries and the pleading
Cut through the dark
And guided our movements
As we strapped on our gear

It was a scene no different
Than a hundred before
A building consumed by fire
As we crawled through its door
“My baby’s in there”
A mother screamed
Suddenly all of our senses
Were heightened all the more


They call me a working class hero
But that’s not the way I feel
I ain’t no fuckin’ hero
I can’t live to that ideal

When I was a young man
I dreamed of glory and of fame
But now I’m just so tired
Of all the hurt and pain

We fought our way
Through the gates of hell
Pushing forward
Straining every cell
For a life is in the balance
Depending on us
Failure is not an option
When we answer the bell

But try as we may
Failure does come too often
And knowing we tried
Can never soften
The hurt or the sorrow
That will always stay with us
Or help us to fight
The gloom we seem lost in

On this day
We prevailed
But it still can’t make up for
The times that we failed

Those faces haunt us
In all of our dreams
The ones that we didn’t save
Despite all their screams

They call me a working class
But that’s not the way I feel
I ain’t no fuckin’ hero
I just want time to heal

When I was a young boy
Dreaming of glory and fame
I never dreamed a single life
Could witness so much pain
But now I’m just so tired…


Copyright 2004 - Tom Kenney









Push…Push…Push


I need a place where I can go
And still feel productive
Push…
I need to feel I’m still important
With a lot still to give
Push…push…push…

Firefighting is a young man’s job
On that I can agree
Push…
But it also takes experienced men
To help the young ones to see
Push…push…push…

When I began on my long journey
With body strong and lean
Push…
I could push my muscles to the brink
Like a well-oiled machine
Push…push…push…

But now my body’s had enough
Of the suffering and the pain
Push…
So I leave it to the younger guys
To shoulder the physical strain
Push…push…push…

I now have other ways to help
In the battle that we wage
Push…
My experience has taught me well
Some things improve with age
Push…push…push…

So now I lead instead of follow
In getting the job done
Push…
‘Cause it doesn’t matter in the end
We all work as one
Push…push…push…

I also contribute my tales of history
Of how it used to be
Push…
For now that I’m an old timer
The men look up to me
Push…push…push…

I try to inspire the newer men
To be the best they can
Push…
No matter how you judge a company
We’re still measured man by man
Push…push…push…

I’ve found that I can make a difference
Merely with my words
Push…
To think there’s only a single way
To be an asset is absurd
Push…push…push

So I push myself to write these days
As I pushed my body in a fire
Push…
And I’ll continue to push and push and push
And it won’t stop when I retire
Push…push…push



Copyright 2006 - Tom Kenney









Consumed



Consumed is the only word I know
That adequately describes my state
Consumed by my personal mission
Ridding the world of hate

I’ve seen too much of what hate can do
On the streets of my own city
Kids don’t see how their hatred spreads
And this is just a pity

All they know are the lives they’ve led
And they feel the need to be tough
But their violence begets more violence
And it’s never quite enough

He shoots him, so you shoot he
It’s called gang retaliation
Now I’m supposed to take you down
In another confrontation

Realistically you have to know
That it’s only a matter of time
Before you get a bullet in your ass
Because revenge will be mine

Some would say, leave them alone
They’re only killing each other
But I contend they’re worth the effort
Not wanting to give up on another

They’re human beings, and mostly kids
Who’ve somehow lost their way
We can’t give up, and just let them be
This is not a game they play

I’ve stood above their dead bodies
And held their dying hands
They play for keeps on these city streets
They don’t seem to understand

The permanence of their actions
As something they can’t take back
And the foreverness of a death
Is a comprehension they seem to lack

We need to teach them tolerance
For others not the same
‘Cause it’s only through this means
That things can truly change

Often it’s the outer things
Like the color of our skin
That seems to set us far apart
Ignoring what’s within

For all our obvious differences
A child’s still conceived in love
And though hatred is an ugly beast
It’s a beast they can rise above

It’s the children who hold the key
To their own salvation
And we, as parents, have the power
To stop their condemnation

In all my years I’ve never seen
A child who’s been born evil
But we pass on our own anxieties
Our fears, our hatred, our will

We need a fresh new perspective
From the youthful generation
Free from all their parents biases
To alter our direction

I’ll dedicate my time and effort
To turn this trend around
By educating our younger minds
That we all share common ground

It’s our similarities, not disparities
Which will ultimately unite us
And unless this idea has taken hold
We’ll never learn to trust

No longer pitting group versus group
We will then be working together
With hopes of living side by side
With peace and love forever


Tom Kenney - 2006









Blood, Sweat & Tears


I’ve left my own personal trail
Of blood, sweat and tears
On the streets of Providence
Throughout the last few years

I find some comfort for the blood and sweat
With a healthy dose of cheer
But relief from tears is never achieved
With any amount of beers

While pain relievers and alcohol
Can lessen my wear and tare
These things can only do more harm
By disguising my deepest fears

It’s an endless trap, this coward’s crutch
This macho mask I wear
Pretending that the depression’s not real
By acting as if it’s not there

For PTSD has crept up on me
From seemingly nowhere
But it’s laid itself a strong foundation
During the course of my career

Now that I’ve come to realize
That it’s effects can be severe
I need to begin to help myself
And my course is crystal clear

I need to find a way to cope
I need to bend someone’s ear
I’ve kept things bottled up too long
Not wanting anyone to hear

For delving into personal doubts
And feelings just seems queer
Sharing these things with a stranger
Is not something I’d volunteer

This is the way I’ll finally save myself
But the words need to be sincere
This is the way I’ll purge my demons
Though they’ll never disappear


Tom Kenney - 2007









The Glow


Most people have misconceptions
About our toughest fires
Big mill buildings burn like the devil
Flames growing ever higher
And if I said these fires didn’t pump me up
I would be a liar

Watching flames shoot from every window
May be spectacular to see
But burning as they may, all through the night
Makes for a long job, I agree
This spectacle might seem exciting to some
But not anymore, to me

It’s the smaller buildings, with cramped quarters
That present our toughest foes
Inching up a debris-laden stairway
Clearing them as we go
Crawling down a dark and smoky hallway
Searching for the glow

For the fire burns slowly while giving off smoke
That banks down to the floor
Black as coal and as thick as a blanket
Oozing out the door
This smoke is super-heated like a locomotive’s furnace
‘til it can’t heat up any more

When things get this hot the room flashes over
Flames consuming all
For the fire has now gotten the oxygen to breathe
And the glow is no longer small
If a firefighter is caught in this deadly explosion
He might not escape the hall

This is why it’s imperative we seek out the glow
Before it begins to grow
And fighting our way to the seat of the fire
Is the only way we know
To fend off disaster by dousing the flames
Before the heated gases blow


Tom Kenney - 2007









Total Calls


Tonight I finally did the math
And it shocked the hell out of me
I added all the calls I’ve had
Just so I could see

I’ve often wondered how many times
That I have answered the bell
During the course of twenty-six years
It seemed impossible to tell

So I went down the line year by year
For some years there were more
Took the total yearly runs of each
And divided that by four

Five different companies over that time
To which I was assigned
Some were busier trucks than others
But when they were combined

I found that I had slid the pole
More often than I had thought
It seems I must have been having fun
When there was a fire to be fought

Some only lasted a minute or two
But some have dragged on all day
No two runs to which I’ve responded
Have ever been the same

The runs have piled up one at a time
To twenty thousand calls
That number surprises me even now
I can’t believe I’ve been on them all


Tom Kenney - 2007

"GOD"

.



My God


My God is known by many names
And in His eyes, we’re all the same
This is the way it has to be
For He’s the same as yours, you see

There’s only one God that I recognize
I see Him with my soul, if not my eyes
I see Him around us every single day
I turn to Him when I’ve lost my way

Your name or mine, He’s still the Creator
No need to debate whose God is greater
Your God or mine, He’s one in the same
And God is almighty, no matter His name

I call Him Father, for that’s my conviction
To some He’s Jehovah, they preach His prediction
Jews call Him Yahweh, and Muslims pray to Allah
He’s spoke of in the Bible, the Koran and the Torah

No matter who you think He may be
No matter who I believe be He
Only He knows for sure who is Thee
And He may yet prove to be She

Although my belief is far from a certainty
I’ll cling to this faith through all of eternity
For it’s not the symbol to whom we pray
But rather His ideal that lights up our way


Tom Kenney - 2005









What I Know About God


Everything I know about God
Can be written on the head of a pin
The things I’m most sure of re: God
Are more about us, than of (Her) Him

I know that I know nothing
And I know you know nothing, too
To know that you know nothing
Is to know nothing new

Many claim to have the answers
To what God is all about
They live according to His plan
Sincerely pious and devout

I have beliefs about my God
And about what He may want
So I live my life quietly with that in mind
For religion is not to flaunt

I believe my God wants us to know
That all He wants is love
Love for ourselves, as well as each other
I believe that’s His message from above

But I have no way of knowing
That what I believe is true
I believe in Jesus and Mohamed and Moses
But I’m neither Christian, Islamic or Jew

The only thing I surely know
About my God is this
Though I believe He created the heavens and earth
I do know…He (She) is


Tom Kenney - 2006









With God on Their Side


Every nation since the dawn of time
Have sent their men to war
For people are never satisfied
They’re always in search of more

More riches, more freedom, more power, more land
It never seems to cease
Our leaders, especially, are guilty of this
Making war instead of peace

One of the many things that I hate
About these warring tribes
Is that they never go to war alone
They always have God on their side

The Christians called on Jesus
To help them during the Crusades
The Greeks on Ares, and Rome on Mars
Back in ancient days

The Muslims call on Allah today
To assist in their Jihad
And ridding the world of Infidels
In the name of their God

I wonder when it will occur to us
That God has better plans
Than killing each other in His name
For I believe that God loves man


Tom Kenney - 2005









DIVINE LIGHT


Divine light shines from within
It can’t be found in any book
You won’t find it written on some page
No matter how hard you look

The Torah, the Koran and the Bible
Are all amazing reads
With Jesus, Moses and Mohamhed
Performing spiritual deeds

But no matter how you may try
To live your life in kind
You’ll always fall short in your attempt
As so would all mankind

Though reading these books and others too
May put your soul at peace
You’ll never understand the way of God
Your spirituality won’t increase

The only true path to divine light
Starts deep within your soul
You can’t look to someone else for the key
You must relinquish all control

Allow your inner goodness to flourish
Not worrying how you’ll appear
Just let your soul dictate your actions
It will become abundantly clear

When you begin to act for others first
Or for the good of all mankind
Your self-importance is stripped away
And you leave your ego behind

It’s only then that you can truly see
Beyond your own mistakes
Opening your eyes to a better way
Feeling your spirit come awake

This is the path to true enlightenment
It’s about personal insight
When you face your own unimportance
You’re open to divine light


Tom Kenney - 2007









Right and Wrong


I walk the line that straddles right and wrong
I know in my heart that that is where I belong
It’s a place that’s only inhabited by the strong
It’s where I’m meant to be

People in the right think only their way is right
That they have all the answers to our plight
It’s their way or no way to rid us from this blight
This is where we’re going wrong

If right was right
And wrong was wrong
We would win this fight
Before too long

But that’s not the case
That’s much too naive
We need to embrace
What we can achieve

We need to open our eyes to a new point of view
Not black nor white but something of another hue
Only then can we hope to see a world without taboo
This is how we start

For drawing lines in the sand that can’t be crossed
Is the one sure way to ensure that we’ll exhaust
Any chance to return to the better days we’ve lost
And only beget more violence

We need to preach tolerance
As opposed to confrontation
If we want to take a stance
Toward worldwide salvation

It’s as simple and easy
As live and let live
Why can’t we just see
We’ll get what we give

Right…or…wrong


Tom Kenney - 2007









There’s Salvation Through Faith


Some think that I don’t believe.
They think that I’m a pagan.
The truth is it’s the screams of the deaths that their religions bring,
that cause my brain its aching.
Should I discriminate or hate a person for their sexual preference in the name of the Christian God?
Would I be better than the man who calls you the Infidel and kills in the name of Allah?
Faith is a quality we all have in something.
Faith is not meant to be a cookie-cutter image that’s the same as your neighbor’s.
Faith in your preacher is just as it’s stated.
Faith in a supreme being that’s slightly different is a faith that no so-called facts will shake.
For a belief that is thought out and reasoned is a personal choice.
No one can tell me what my God is about.
Abraham, Moses, Mohamed, Buddha or Jesus…
…who is the holiest of the holy?
More innocents have been slaughtered in the name of God than for any other reason.
I believe that faith leads to salvation.
I also believe, however, that your lack of faith doesn’t necessarily condemn you to damnation.
Faith is a comfort…faith is a gift…faith can save you from yourself…but not from another.


Tom Kenney - 2006

"SORROW"

.



Feel Not Sorrow


Feel not sorrow on my behalf
As I slip into the past
For my greatest accomplishment
Is a legacy that will last

I’ve dedicated the bulk of my life
To the service of my neighbor
But I’ve been rewarded time and again
For the fruits of my labor

Long ago I decided to become
A member of the “brothers”
Not fully knowing at that time
They were unlike all others

Firefighters share a brotherhood
Only we can understand
Helping keep death and loss at bay
Though woefully undermanned

I’ve seen many of my peers step up
Above and beyond the call
Risk their lives for perfect strangers
Their backs against the wall

Even after their acts of heroism
Are acknowledged with medals
Still what remains as their bravest act
Has lifted them to this level

For merely signing up to do this job
Takes a special breed
It’s the willingness to risk so much
That’s their most heroic deed

It’s their bravery and dedication
That sets them apart
This is what makes them true heroes
Whether called upon or not

So when I leave this job ‘I’ll’ know
I’ve done the best I can
I won’t need anyone else to know
For they couldn’t understand

No one can do this work too long
It takes too much a toll
It’s very much a young man’s job
It slowly steals your soul

To toil longer in this vocation
Merely tempts fate
For body and spirit is broken down -
Has taken all it can take

So to walk away with no regrets
Is a gift unto itself
I can place my firefighting in the past
Place my tools upon the shelf

I’ll always look back on these days
With fondness and affection
I even may long to ‘do it again’
But I must choose a new direction

The same can be said when I die
Feel not sorrow for me
For I’ve lived a life as full as possible
Being all that I can be

When Saint Peter greets me at the gates
I’m sure he’ll let me in
For as a fireman I’ve proven myself
Time and time again




Copyright 2007 - Tom Kenney









ALL TOO OFTEN


All too often a firefighter’s day ends in death or suffering
He sees all too much of the worst aspect of everything
His pain is sometimes physical - but frequently emotional
Both types of hurt wear down his soul to merely functional

Constantly fighting to keep his head above the water line
It’s a never ending struggle to keep believing in the divine
The comforts that most of us rely on to keep us at peace
Remain just out of his reach as his experiences increase

His compassion has been shot – his faith has been strained
He wonders if he’ll ever find the ability to feel empathy again
And as his humanity slowly breathes its last dying breaths
He’s reminded of all of the fires – the injuries – the deaths

He leaves the firehouse on missions to ward off the danger
Placing himself in harms way to help protect another stranger
There’s no other method to protect and serve the community
Making a difference to someone in distress is a unique opportunity

All too often, it seems, there’s no thanks or appreciation
No simple acknowledgement of his tireless dedication
Not soothing words to take the edge off, or to soften
His rising frustration of how helpless he feels, all too often


Copyright 2007 - Tom Kenney










How Could You Know?


I don’t like the scent of Christmas trees
No matter what the season
I can’t stomach the holidays anymore
And yes, I have my reasons

You don’t understand the change in me
When the calendar nears December
Christmas has been the best time of year
For as long as you can remember

When your frustration shows I must think
How could you know
That my mind travels back in time
When it begins to snow

For how could you have ever known
Six firemen died in ‘99
Six kids and a mother in December 2000
All before you were mine

When we went away to recapture our love
To Vegas not long ago
Though we didn’t connect the way we wanted
How could you know

I know that you were disappointed with me
Over something that I said
How could you know the night before we left
I told parents their child was dead

We go to the mall with all the kids
Enjoying some family time
One of the boys runs into the elevator
And I nearly lose my mind

You can’t understand why I’m so upset
And take it out on him
How could you know what’s worrying me
If I don’t fill you in

I couldn’t bring myself to tell you before
And I can’t do it now
A ten year old boy crushed in the doors
Of a freight elevator somehow

All these pictures float around in my head
I begin to think I’m crazy
The only thing that heads off the insanity
Is the fact they remain hazy

Then something I see triggers the memory
It becomes crystal clear
It brings me to depths you can’t imagine
And fills my heart with fear

When this depression gets the best of me
And I begin to let it show
You can’t understand why I turn so cold
But then, how could you know



Copyright 2007 - Tom Kenney









Uncertainty’s My Enemy


I’m too old for this
And I know it
I’m getting scared
And I show it

Each time I respond
I can sense it
Growing trepidation
Can’t defense it

Timidity or fear
No place for it
As they creep in
I must face it

Uncertainty’s my enemy
Must get rid of it
Never before
Have I hid from it

Once taken for granted
Now I doubt it
Confidence and bravery
Can’t do without it

Looking for a way
I can reverse it
Must be immediate
Can’t rehearse it

Without these traits
I’m no good at it
There’s no way
I could do it

Put up or get out
That’s the reality of it
I just can’t accept
The finality of it



Tom Kenney - 2007









Fireman's Blues


It started when I was a young boy
Such a long, long time ago
Just wanting to be a fireman
Not knowing what I now know

It all seemed so straightforward
Courageous and exciting
Not knowing in my innocence
What exactly I'd be fighting

I thought I'd be fighting fire
Fighting sickness, fighting death
Helping those who were in danger
Down to their last breath

I just didn't realize...
I couldn't visualize...
What a toll all this would take
I guess I had fantasized...
And I had idealized...
What a difference I could make

But soon I was faced with reality
We lose some battles too
We can never save everyone
No matter what we do

I've stared into the dark abyss
Of death too many times
Each time someone's soul is lost
I lose a part of mine

This journey's been a trek through hell
Time and time again
But it's also been my salvation
And I'd do it all again

I just didn't realize...
I couldn't visualize...
What a toll all this would take
I guess I had fantasized...
And I had idealized...
What a difference I could make



Tom Kenney - 2006









Glory Fades


Riding the trucks, sirens screaming
All eyes upon you, as the strobe lights are gleaming
You think that you’re special, and can’t help beaming
But the glory soon fades…

You get off the truck, and people are gawking
They watch your every movement, and you hear them talking
They’re singing your praises, as the radio’s squawking
But the glory soon fades…

You move toward the fire, and people are yelling
You quickly take command, and you begin telling
The people to stay calm, as their tears begin welling
But the glory soon fades…

They look at you with hope, because you’ll be saving
The loved one they tell you is in there, by their ranting and raving
And you summon your comrades, with your frantic waving
But the glory soon fades…

You mount an attack, and you’re all striving
That the victim still trapped, will walk away surviving
As his family celebrates, cheering and high five-ing
But the glory soon fades…

You try to push forward, but you take a beating
The heat and the smoke, force you into retreating
That hopefulness you felt, was ever so fleeting
And the glory soon fades…

This battle you’re waging, and hoped you’d be winning
Has taken its toll, and now you’re beginning
To see that your hopes, of a rescue are dimming
Yes, the glory soon fades…

New firemen imagine themselves, helping and aiding
But death is the one thing, you can’t keep evading
With each new defeat, the glory’s soon fading

Glory fades...


Copyright 2004 - Tom Kenney

"The TOLL"

.

What You’ve ‘Got’


When you became a firefighter
No one gave you a magic pill
They trained you on what to do
Put you through drill after drill
But when the time comes to act
You turn within to find the will

Actions are what will show
What it is you’re made of
When you’re put to the test
And push comes to shove
All questions will be answered
With some help from above

Sometimes it’s rewarding
And sometimes it’s not
Sometimes it’s depressing
And that happens a lot
But it’s always a challenge
To see what you’ve ‘got’

Have you ‘got’ the strength
To drag a man out
Of an apartment that’s ablaze
And no one else about
Do you have what it takes
With no room for doubt

Have you ‘got’ the courage
To crawl into a room
Heat and smoke charge the air
Like a hot, musty tomb
Do you have the balls
To face your own doom

Have you ‘got’ the heart
To face all your fears
And move forward still
No time for your tears
And can you do it again
Year after year

Have you ‘got’ the compassion
To hold someone’s hand
As their life slips away
You still issue commands
In a battle with destiny
You seem under manned

Have you ‘got’ the stamina
To raise up a ladder
Then climb the three flights
To where they last saw her
Squeeze through the window
‘cause she’s all that matters

Oblivious to the inferno
That rages around you
You search room by room
It’s all you can do
As the heat and exertion
Run you right through

You press ever onward
For she is your mission
You refuse to consider
A negative disposition
You need to reach her
No matter her condition

While your air supply dwindles
You feel her little shoe
Grab her and drag her back
You’re now born anew
Finding the strength once again
To do what you need to do

If you’ve ‘got’ all these qualities
And maybe a few more
You ‘might’ have what it takes
To walk through the door
Of a firehouse in America
To help wage our war



Copyright 2007 - Tom Kenney









Brotherhood


Firemen are men who care
About their fellow man
Whenever they are called to help
They do the best they can


They offer aid to those in need
No matter who they are
It makes no difference – rich or poor
Homeless man or star


It matters only, that you called
For assistance with your plight
For they are here to protect and serve
Every single day and night


They call themselves a ‘Brotherhood’
They’re united in their cause
To stand together, shoulder to shoulder
To battle these urban wars


But make no mistake, despite their duty
To the citizens they serve
It’s for the ‘brother’ who stands beside them
Their loyalties are reserved


Tom Kenney - 2006









NIGHTMARES


I can’t forget the time I spent
Putting out the fires
Though I try my best, I never do
No matter my desires

I go to sleep and try to think
Of nothing but my wife
But I lie in bed, and live again
The chaos of my life

My shoulder aches, and I return
To the night upon the ladder
Suddenly it slips, and I grab ahold
Of a lightpost I had straddled

From on the roof, four hands appear
Grab me by the arm
They pull me up, and though I feel the pain
They keep me safe from harm

So I roll over and change positions
To try to continue sleeping
But now my knee begins to ache
And I picture myself creeping

As I crawl along a smoky floor
I fall headfirst in a hole
Hurtling downward toward the dark
I fear for my very soul

But just in time, a brother saves me
By lunging on my knee
He keeps me from falling into the pit
And drags me up, I’m free

Once again I moan, and try to find
A comfortable spot on the bed
As I finally begin to drift asleep
I see visions in my head

I see a baby with her face chewed off
Another under a truck
A young man crushed in an elevator
Where he had gotten stuck

I picture a family dead on the stairs
Who had tried to get out
A baby pulled lifeless from his room
And I hear his mother shout

I wake up sweating, get out of bed
And get myself a drink
Take some pills and wash them down
While standing by the sink

After a moment, the shaking subsides
And I’m ready to try again
As I pull the covers over my head
I try to shut down my brain

It works for awhile, but then I feel
A throbbing in my neck
And once again I’m back in time
To a night I’d rather forget

Every night, it’s always the same
As soon as I go to bed
It seems the pain I feel in my body
Triggers the pain in my head



Copyright 2005 - Tom Kenney









GHOSTS


I see ghosts around every corner
Every time we go for a ride
No matter how I try to keep them away
I can never seem to hide

Hide myself from their ghastly grip
In attempts to keep myself sane
For reliving each terrible memory
Will only cause more pain

It’s always the images of the dead I see
And never of those we’ve saved
It seems they’re bored and restless
Just lying in their graves

They come out all together sometimes
When I’m feeling most depressed
And haunt my visions and my dreams
Thus preventing much-needed rest

That vacant lot used to house
A mother and her five babes
One fiery night not long ago
We were unable to come to their aid

Another turn, and down the street
Stands a tree with a mark on its side
One helpless night a few years back
I watched as a young girl died

Driving further from my station, away from here
Doesn’t keep the ghosts away
It only reminds me of other horrors
Of a slightly more distant day

I’ve served in this city for twenty-five years
So there are ghosts all over town
I can never predict when they’ll rear their heads
And begin to drag me down

I know in my heart I did all I could
To save them from their fates
But I can’t seem to shake their eternal screams
And wonder what next awaits


Tom Kenney - 2006









My Cry For Help


I spend my time writing
‘cause it soothes my soul
whether an article or poem
salvation is my goal
for by writing things down
I can lessen their toll

Words seem to flow
with the greatest of ease
when I open up my heart
and allow the release
of these pent up emotions
and it brings me some peace

My deliverance from pain
may be only short term
I simply begin another
as I attempt to learn
how to hold me together
‘til my salvation I earn

I’ve spent most of my life
failing at some role
whether as son or as husband
I could not seem to control
how my action toward others
might takes its toll

As a father I hoped that
I’d finally succeed
at giving my children
everything they’d need
but alas, even in this role
I failed in my deeds

Now my father lay dying
and we don’t even speak
my brothers and my sister
pretend not to be piqued
I feel I’ve been wronged
And can’t turn the other cheek

I pretend it doesn’t hurt me
but it cuts like a knife
when the people I loved most
cut me out of their life
treat me like a stranger
and turn their back on my wife

My wife has been my shelter
from the storm of my world
while my job and my family
have thrown my head in a whirl
so when she doesn’t get me
To emotional chaos I’m hurled

My strength just deserts me
my confidence is shattered
I feel like I’ve lost touch with
everything that once mattered
my life’s like an empty vessel
that’s been tossed, torn and tattered

It seems no one hear the meanings
of the writings on the page
misunderstanding my intentions
as I rant and I rage
can’t they recognize the anger as
my plea from this cage…
…my cry for help



Tom Kenney - 2006










Harken My Angel


Harken my angel, pray for me
Your love will pull me through
As I lay here under burning debris
After being torn from my crew

I know that when I left this morn’
You were still snug in our bed
But I softly whispered “I love you”
As I kissed you on your head

We both knew it could come to this
Though we never thought it would
I’d take back all the wasted days
If only there were a way I could

I only wandered a few feet away
From my guys and our hose
I went to check for any more fire
To find it before it grows

Crawling down the hallway
And through a door on the right
I never thought I’d lose my way
I tried to keep them in sight

All of a sudden the smoke grew thick
Blinding me on the spot
A corner of the floor collapsed
And the room was instantly hot

I turned around to make my way out
But I couldn’t locate the door
Something had fallen, blocking my way
Something not there before

As I tried to make it to the hall
I began to feel I was lost
I knew instantly the only way out
Was over the threshold I had crossed

Suddenly I was floating downward
Surprisingly peacefully
An abrupt jolt stopped my fall
Eyes open but unable to see

Total darkness and quiet at first
I’ve experienced this before
But when I realized I couldn’t move
It chilled me to the core

For I was trapped, no way to escape
Unless the others found me
My faith in my brothers, however, ran deep
They would rally around me

As my air ran low and pain set in
I could hear the crackle of the fire
Another sound was filtering through
Fueling my hopes ever higher

I could hear my brothers shouting my name
And though I couldn’t yell back
I knew they were on their way
Refocusing their attack

It was then that I began to drift
From reality to my dreams
That’s when I thought of you, my love
How distant this morn’ seems

Was that the last time I’d kiss your face
Or would there be many more
Lost in this dream my spirit takes flight
And my soul begins to soar

Their shouts are now closer and louder
But I cannot hear
Ever closer they get, a race against time
I no longer feel any fear

Harken my angel, pray for me…




Tom Kenney - 11/9/07










Last Day


I got up this morning, slipped out of the house
Not wanting to wake her
Went to work and had coffee with the boys
Waiting for something to occur

If only I’d known…



Talking to the kids last night, just touching base
Leaving so much unsaid
“See you tomorrow, and we’ll catch up”
I wish we had talked, instead

If only I’d known…


Working on an Engine Company in the big city
And my crew is the best
But not enough “attaboy’s” for the job they do
One day I’ll say “I’m impressed”

If only I’d known…



Fighting last night over a silly TV show
Not wanting to miss it
Not telling her later that the time we shared
Was just what we needed to revisit

If only I had known…



You never know, especially in this business
What may be in store
You take for granted that you’ll return home
And just pick up from before

If I’d only known…



Even the dispatch was nothing unusual
A fire in a basement
We raced to the scene, one thought in my mind
That of extinguishment

If only I’d known…



Descending the stairs, through all the smoke
To see what we’ve got
A glow in the corner, beckoned to me
It didn’t seem like a lot

If only I’d known…



“Go get the line and I’ll wait right here”
I barked to my guys
When they returned, it had gotten much worse
The fire had tripled in size

If only I had known…



Cut off from the stairway, I couldn’t get out
I was lost in the smoke
I ran out of air before they could find me
And I began to choke

If I had only known…



Of all the regrets dancing in my head
Before I lost my life
My biggest regret was from that morning
I hadn’t kissed my wife

If I had only known…that this was my last day!




Tom Kenney -- 2007

COST OF LIVING & TAXES

I usually write to the Providence Journal in defense of the Providence Firefighters and our union when some politician or taxpayer writes and complains that we are too greedy or privileged. I defend the job we do as Providence Firefighters and point out the hazards we face on a daily basis. I point out the fact that we are understaffed and under paid for the type of work we do. I show that many of the popular beliefs regarding firefighters in general, and Providence Firefighters in particular, are simply negative stereotypes placed on us by these same politicians and disgruntled taxpayers.

I need to state that I am tired of the abuse put upon us by these vocal opponents. As for their taxes going up as a result of our pay raises and benefits – so what? I don’t mean that in an uncaring or “in your face” type of way, but rather in a true question of why that makes us any different than the rest of the working population. The same taxpayer who complains about public unions causing a rise in his taxes may very well work for Coca-Cola or some other soft drink manufacturer for example. He/she may have just received a 5% raise and an increase in company benefits that cause the company to raise their prices to distributors. He/she may work for Wal-Mart and may have just received a raise due to the raising of minimum wage or have just qualified for company benefits because they’ve begun to work over 20 hours per week. Either way, when enough of these workers have their compensation elevated it begins to cut into corporate profits, causing the company to raise prices for the products the rest of us have to purchase. This is the way our economy works.

He/she may be a retired person who supplements his/her retirement income with money earned from dividends and investments. This person follows his investments very carefully and dumps any assets that are not earning him the maximum profit. These are the shareholders that corporate executives claim are the reason that justifies corporate greed. He/she may very well be an over-paid and incredibly over-compensated Editor for the Providence Journal writing about the Providence Firefighters’ burden on the City’s taxpayers while sailing on his private yacht to Long Island or the Caribbean. Then, after putting us in our place, he dictates a memo to the appropriate department at ProJo stating that the newspaper is going to discontinue printing obituaries for free – corporate profits have been under performing.

Why is it that the only people who get blamed for the rising cost of living are government employees? People seem to notice that when a firefighter or policeman or teacher get a raise because the politicians talk about raising taxes. They fail to tell the taxpayers that all the other costs of providing those services have also risen and that is a major reason that the costs are up – heating fuel, gasoline, electricity, vehicles, equipment, etc. Why isn’t the public up in arms when their oil company driver gets a dollar-an-hour raise and their oil company raises their price a penny a gallon? Utility prices rise because of many different factors – employee raises and corporate greed among them. These increased prices force a landlord of a strip mall to raise his rent to the four or five small businesses eeking out a living there. These businesses are forced to raise their prices to keep up with their increased fees. The consumers ultimately pick up the tab for all increases. Every increase of business expense has a reciprocal effect – such is the case with government expenses also.

It’s time for politicians and taxpayers and editors to stop accusing government employees of being the cause of all our financial problems. Governmental wasteful spending should be sought out and eliminated. No one wants to have to pay for patronage jobs or unnecessary positions, but it is not good policy to cut spending at the expense of hard-working, dedicated employees. Especially when these people are the ones that are shouldering the daily duties that are necessary to keep the rest of us safe from harm.


Lt. Tom Kenney
Providence Fire Department